ISAAC'S BAR MITZVAH - WHAT TO EXPECT

Bar Mitzvah Cheat Sheet:
Helpful Tips for the Bar/Bat/B'Mitzvah Guest

By Deanna Shoss with a lot borrowed and adapted from Rabbi Daniel Kohn (probably the actually Jewish parts) on MyJewishLearning.com, edited by Adam to fit our circumstances.

As we prepared for our son’s Bar Mitzvah, we began to get questions such as “What should I wear?” “What do I need to do?” Half of our family is not Jewish, and the half that is Jewish came from a Conservative tradition, but by geography and a synagogue we liked, we ended up in a Reform synagogue. So, don't feel bad if this is your first Jewish event and are concerned you don't know what to expect; even Adam's immediate family may encounter a new tradition!

The most important thing to remember is that this is a really joyous occasion. Just the fact that you are here to share this proud moment with us is enough.

But, since some of you have asked, whether this is your first Bar Mitzvah or not, the following is a brief guide that might help you feel more comfortable at the synagogue and enjoy the events as they unfold.

What actually is a Bar Mitzvah (boys) or Bat Mitzvah (girls) or B'Mitzvah (gender neutral)?
At 13, a young Jewish person becomes obligated to observe the commandments of Judaism. “Bar/bat mitzvah” literally means “son/daughter of the commandment.” The celebration of a bar/bat/b' mitzvah signifies that the young person is beginning and will continue to function as an active and responsible Jewish adult in the synagogue and in the wider Jewish community. Or, as Bar Mitzvah boys will tell you, “Today I am a man!”

Until about 100 years ago, only males observed this ritual. In the 20th century, as society embraced further gender equality, the concept of a Bat Mitzvah became commonplace in many Jewish communities. More recently, some congregations, including our own at Shir Tikvah, started to use B'Mitzvah as an even more inclusive term, accounting for gender fluidity and non-binary Jews. B'Mitzvah can apply to everyone.

As part of his Bar Mitzvah, Isaac has been hard at work studying. He learned to read Hebrew and also how to chant Biblical passages. During the ceremony will read from the Torah in Hebrew as well as lead some of the prayers. Isaac will deliver his D’Var Torah (in English), his interpretation and personal connection to the Torah portion he has read. This was written by Isaac, emerging from his weekly conversations about the verses with one of our Rabbis.

What’s the proper greeting in Hebrew on a Saturday morning?
You may hear people greeting each other with “Shabbat Shalom” (pronounced Shah-BAHT Shah-LOME), which basically means “Good Sabbath,” or “Peaceful Sabbath.” The proper response is to repeat back, “Shabbat Shalom.”

What should I wear?
Wear whatever you feel comfortable in. It is totally fine to wear a plain shirt, jeans, and even sneakers. You can also wear a button-down shirt and pants, a blouse and skirt, etc. But, in general, avoid shirts with drawings or anything ripped.

As a child, Adam often wore a suit or at least a tie to religious services. While he's going to do the same today because it's Isaac's Bar Mitzvah, he doesn't normally do this on other Saturdays.

Do I need to wear a kippah? What if I’m not Jewish?
Wearing a head covering: A kippah, or head covering (called a yarmulke in Yiddish), is traditionally worn by males during the service and also by some women in more liberal synagogues, like ours. (See the section on gender equality...)

Wearing a kippah is not a symbol of religious identification, but is rather an act of respect to God and the sacredness of the worship space. Just as people may be asked to remove their hats in a church, or remove their shoes before entering a mosque, wearing a head covering is a non-denominational act of showing respect.

As someone who grew up in the Jewish tradition, where it's traditional to cover your head in a place of worship, Adam was surprised when asked to remove his hat in the Sistine Chapel.

What times does the service start? And when is Isaac's part?
The time listed on the invitation–10:30am–is the official starting time for the weekly Shabbat, or Sabbath, service.

In some temples, the service begins much earlier and the bar mitzvah activities occur later in the service; therefore, both guests and regular congregants often arrive late, after services have begun. This is not the case at Shir Tikvah.

You should arrive in time for the start of the service at 10:30. Don't be late or you'll miss Isaac.

Is there anything I shouldn’t do in the synagogue on Shabbat?
All guests and participants are expected to respect the sanctity of the prayer service and Shabbat by:

Setting your cell phone to vibrate or turning it off.
Not taking pictures. In traditional settings, photography is strictly forbidden on Shabbat.
Not writing or texting.
Not speaking during services. While you may see others around you chatting quietly–or even loudly–be aware that some synagogues consider this a breach of decorum.

What’s the significance of sitting and standing?
Jewish worship services can be very athletic, filled with frequent directions where it's traditional to stand for particular prayers and sit for others. The Rabbi knows it may be your first time in a Jewish service and will provide instructions on what to do when. This includes the option to remain seated if standing presents you any physical or other difficulty.

Unlike kneeling in a Catholic worship service–which is a unique prayer posture filled with religious significance–standing and sitting in a Jewish service does not constitute any affirmation of religious belief, it is merely a sign of respect. There may also be instructions to bow at certain parts of the service, and because a bow or prostration is a religiously significant act, feel free to remain standing or sitting as you wish at that point. In addition to standing for certain parts of the service, as indicated by the Rabbi, the congregation always stands whenever the “Ark,” the place where the Torahs are stored is open.

What is everyone saying?
You may have noticed that the prayers and Torah readings are all in Hebrew! But, if you look in your Siddur (prayer book), the Hebrew is always accompanied with the transliteration (phonetic pronunciation) as well as the English translation, so you can choose to join along or read the English words to get an idea of what is being said.

Once the Torah (the big scrolls that are the first five books of the bible) is open, and the Torah reading begins, you may switch from the Siddur that you got on the way in, to the big, thick book being passed out, for the Torah reading. That is also printed in Hebrew and English.

What time is lunch?
The service generally lasts until 12:00, and will be followed by the “Kiddush” luncheon, in the social hall right outside of the sanctuary. There will be a short break while food is set out and the chapel is reset for dining.